January 24, 2012
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sad – friends.
it’s so sad to see people separate, especially friends.
yo,
i have many good memories with you and not many bad ones. i understand there was some drama that went on between you and a couple of other people, but it wasn’t with me. toward last year it started getting really bumpy and we just separated. no word from you, just disappeared. its my fault for trying to be such a people pleaser, especially those around me. i guess it looked like i was choosing sides and choose i did. i guess it also looked like i was choosing against you but what do i do? what should have i done?
as the communication became close to none, i still didn’t realize what you went through or your feelings. i thought you were busy, i thought you were living your life. because i always saw you as a strong independent woman and the times we did hang out i was grateful you were there. i didn’t even realize you felt the way you do until yesterday. why didn’t you talk to me? was all the memories we made together a lie? by all means, no!
i’m a little crushed inside that you are purposely avoiding me. i’m not saying i am undeserving, but at the same time i’m not saying i do. if i could turn back time i would to try and fix things, to show you i care and do appreciate you being my friend. is it too late to do so? i’m glad i finally heard from you though. good to know you are doing well and you found friends whom you feel comfortable with. as long as that’s the case i guess i’m okay with it because you are happy where you are.
i appreciate the fact that you say you are still there for me. we both know you won’t be. your words won’t match the actions. i am just as guilty
so… i guess it’s a loss on my part not yours.
sincerely,
your friend
Comments (1)
honestly you want to ask “what should I have done” then can’t I ask the same? I knew that you had taken sides as you have just admitted. And i didn’t blame you. Because if I was in your shoes I would’ve done the same. I don’t think I was so wrong in respecting your decision and trying to protect from being the middle man in a drama that did not even involve you at that time. Yet that doesn’t mean it was the best decision in the world. and Yes that doesnt mean it didn’t hurt me on my part to have my friend choose someone else over me. Yes i understand that I made a selfish one way decision. But i felt that I had no other choice at that time. I was hurt and rejected on many levels. Idk if you believe what I say or see all of this as an excuse. But i would like to defend myself against your assumption/conclusion that i was purposely avoiding you because i did not value our friendship or because i simply did not/do not want to be your friend. I was sad too. Yes i may seem to be strong and independent or what have you but I’m human also. And I hurt. And when I hurt, i may hurt more than others. And i feel that i did it because i DID value our friendship and i wanted to salvage it in a way that would not make us enemies or mad at each other or hurting each other. Maybe it was not the best choice. But I made it. And so i am taking responsibility for it. I’m sorry that you got caught in the cross fire in such a way. But please don’t say that I won’t be there for you if YOU have not even called me out for help or for a helping hand. If you didn’t realize, when we were good friends I always wanted to be there for my friends because I know what it feels like to be abandoned and alone with no one to lean on or talk to. It was the main reason why i became christian. That drama is long done and over with. I think everyone has moved on with their lives. People change and friendships change. Its something natural. But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be there for you when you need it just because everything has changed. If you really valued that friendship shouldn’t it be able to withstand the tests of time? Just because its different now doesn’t make it any less. At least i dont think so…