today, i made a huge investment towards my future.. submitted my application and $1000 dollars deposit. this time around, its using my own hard earned money, and really investing my time for something i want to learn

starting today, i am on a journey to become to very best. that no one ever was. and this time, im hoping that things fall into place as i trust God with my future.

Journeyman Luthier-to be. May 2014

Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright

it was gray and wet. gray skies filled with flashes of lightning followed by the clapping of thunder. all you see are the rain droplets ramming into things, leaving nothing untouched. a howl flows through the air, making all flora sway side to side. 

there is something eerie about walking outside while its down-pouring, into an empty street. there was no presence of another soul in sight. with just my shorts on and my sandalias, i enter the stage. i then proceed to run around aimlessly getting soaked head to toe. my neighbors lawn is overflowing, a welcoming sight to my kid-at-heart self. i rise against gravity and stomp the **** out of that puddle. at the end of the driveway there is another lake. i jump in that one too. i run to the rain drain/gutter thing and stand under there, as if taking a shower. i look up and still no one is around. run back into the house.

liberating, really. my 3 minutes of freedom.

i finally have a clear goal and passion i want to pursue. 

to become a luthier.

thank you, God.

there are absolute universal laws in our physical world. laws concerning properties of gravity, mass, energy, thermodynamics, time, and space. 

imagine space, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe - there is mass, there is certainly space, and there is time (proven with space travel, nasa). those absolute laws makes this universe what it is. how incredible and amazing is that?

Genesis 1:1 - In the Beginning(TIME), God created the Heavens(SPACE) and the Earth(MASS).

you come into the world with nothing and you leave with nothing.

i realize that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone. 

knowing that, isn't entering a relationship with the person you love considered setting yourself up for failure? your companion, best friend, lover, etc., will live their lives with you playing a major role and vice versa. what happens when you are old and your lover dies? what about when you're young? can be emotionally crippling. is there an unfailing love?

move on? you spend your whole life searching for this person. you spend a good amount investing your time and energy. how difficult it must be to even try to move on? there are so many reasons why love can backfire.

looking at a photo of me and my friends - what a blessing it is to have them and a momento of many shared moments.

i think i have had a "Ah Ha" moment with the help of these memories. friendship is the key to happiness. in the past few months of my stay in texas i have felt depressed. this led me to just think about myself. i realize i was missing my friends back home.

but looking at these photos of me and my friends really lifts my spirit. brings good memories and shared memories. i wonder if they still think back to these times? because friendship is the key to my happiness i want to try my best to cherish friendships, make new ones, and make each meaningful. don't think about anything else (i.e. lust, contempt, pride, envy) but strive for joyous relationships.

very good.

the concept of time is a double edged sword. 

on one hand, it is very useful. scheduling, recognizing patterns, setting goals and deadlines, etc. time also helps one appreciate their life more..

on the other hand, i think the concept of time is detrimental. there's a saying - age is but a number. it is just a number, based on the concept of time. this number dictates and allows us to "predict" our time of death - embedding within us a fear of death. if we didnt know about time, we could possibly be happier. we can live our lives where time is not an issue. you just live. 

should we really be thankful to be alive?

what if you're kidnapped and your family is massacred in front of your eyes. you are permanently limbless, tongue has been cut off, and you are stripped naked. you cannot move on your own let alone sit up. you're used - a play thing for someone else. you're not even fed well. then after a week or two of being used and sexually abused, you're thrown out and discarded on the side of the road when it's raining. you are nameless, alive, breathing, seeing, and can only let out agonizing groans.

how much agony, hatred, helplessness you will feel. just because you want to die doesn't mean you will die. you're alive, trapped in that state. i would fucking hate everything and everyone. 

then, should i be thankful to be alive?