many times we are in a constant battle with the world or with ourselves. the constant striving to better ourselves and to better our overall situation. many many people, including myself, are in this viscious cycle.
time to try something new. dont fight it; dont worry. instead of pushing blocks into holes, just let things fall into place. and lets see what happens because im sure happiness is just around the corner.
people covet money.
i can only speak for myself when i say that money really isnt everything. sure, it can get you things, but the money itself does not bring happiness. i made a lot of money fast. not too much and more than enough. does more money mean surplus happiness? absolutely not.
i push people away before they get too close - figuratively speaking
xanga...
its surprising how long i have used xanga. ever since 2004 i've been on with some remittance in between. it was a cool thing, and now after multiple generations of social networking transitions, it is now facebook.
its also surprising to know that still so many people use this to blog. however, all my peers have turned away.
i digress;
so i've come to conclusion that i can post absolutely anything and everything that i want - secrets and all. and the chances of my posts being seen are slim at best.
all my years eating cereal, it never occurred to me that after i eat all the cereal, i can just add more cereal to the milk instead of finishing the whole bowl and pouring more milk..
i am not a smart man
this is something i realized about myself.
i learned that forgiveness is the key to freedom. before that, confession is required.
confessing is hard. living a lie or living in shame and guilt has got to be the worst feeling ever. it actually corners you and pushes you back to become a person you dont really want to be and a live a life you dont want. thats why you confess. you ask for forgiveness to those whom you did wrong.
but sometimes, you are guilty of a more greater thing, something confessing to someone wont really fix...
anyways - forgiving others is easy. asking for forgiveness from God is easy too, as long as you mean it. but what i find is the most difficult is forgiving yourself.
forgiving myself.. someone told me that i have to tell myself that 7x77 times over. and really just be thankful for God's forgiveness.
i was a fool to let you go.
Ever since i started living alone, ive never been so happy eating than eating dinner tonight. i am a true korean - my preference for taste is embedded within my palettes and i love kimchi and rice. korean food in general. hmart, you are awesome. thank you for allowing me to purchase korean food to give me a sense of familiarity of home.
it was like an orgasm
i'm not talking about no america patriotism shit.
i'm talking about being on your own shit.
I'm here, in Texas. I left everyone and dropped everything back in NY. Why? Mainly for working reasons - to make money, save it up, and pay off my debt. I don't plan to stay in TX forever.. it's a nice place but nothing is tying me down here besides work. I'm like a work nomad.. But I must admit.. after living at home with the parents for 22 years and then finally venturing out on my own is a little exciting. It's a work in progress tho... I am in a gray area, probably the arbitrary transition space between dependency going on into independence. Here my thoughts are collected, my regrets, my desires, and all the little battles raging within me. How I choose to break away from this zone will make me or break me. My main concern is that i am on my own for this path that i have taken. Or am I?
bring it on
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