Always live for the King.

youre always learning. thats life, youre the oldest you've ever been at this very moment and after every passing moment. i see my life as a sum of experiences, and that just means there are more to come. 

now, what matters is the kind of experience you absorb and take in. i dont want to deal with useless bullshit. meaningful experiences, ones which i can learn when i make mistakes, one that helps me grow in character. 

with every passing moment, i feel wiser than before. with every year that passes, i see clearly more and more of what is meaningful and important as opposed to what's deceiving and temporary. 

i learn more about myself and what i've stumbled upon is a heart for adventure. i want to start a journey , a meaningful one. its one thing to "know" about the world, but can i believe it, can i experience it? that's what i want. its so easy for your mind to be trapped in a virtual reality relayed through an lcd monitor. break free son BREAK FREEEEEEEE

FUCKKK YEAA COOKIES AND MATH

dear God,

i have been so focused on what I want to do... finding a job and just being a little kid... I lost focus on what really matters, which is to discern your will. so God, i ask you now. What is it that you want me to do? What is my calling? I really want to live by your word - seeking first your will and your righteousness. Worrying is a big thing for me right now, i'm trying not to be so worried and instead trust you. 

You are a loving God, a merciful one at that, and a gracious God. You make all things work together for my good and the good of your kingdom.

Make it apparent to me Lord; How you are working in my life, leading me and guiding me to your purpose. There are so many distractions and I get caught up in them.. all the time. 

Help me to find love in all ways Lord. I yearn to share my life with a companion, one who seeks you. Help me to love others, as you have loved me. Help me to be more like your son.

in your son's name, JC, i pray,

truly

i would like to meet a nice pretty girl. someone whom i can share music with. we would recommend music to each other. yes... that is the key... ami right?

can i tell you of someone who loves me so much?

he calls me his son, and i am his beloved and he is mine. 

there is a law, and when you break this law, punishment is death. he found me sentenced to death, guaranteed to fail. yet, instead of turning his back on me, which anyone could easily have done, his son takes my place in death. no matter how much i plea, the deed has been done and even though i admit to breaking the law, the crime was already atoned for. what other emotion can i then feel? thankfulness. thank you for dying, taking my place. 

but then he raises him from the dead. it is not a cop out, a gimmick to make me feel guilty and then thankful - instead it is to show his power. the crime is PAID for already, but death has no power over him. how awesome is that? to be LOVED by a person like that. 

thank you, for loving me.

Entering college, there were so many choices to make in my fresh young life. These choices brought me to where i am now.

Through social media, i see my peers all drinking and partying and meeting new people (girls). One thing i can say is that i am not part of that, call it what you may, lifestyle. Of course it is not that black and white, with some overlapping. I dont know if it was bitterness but as i was more and more isolated from that lifestyle, i admit i started looking down on frats/sororities. Maybe i was jealous? maybe i wanted to have that lifestyle too. 

So, i've always wondered how it would have been like if i was on the other side. most certainly, i would know more people and meet new people and have fun. 

but i know i went through my experiences my own way for a good reason. it was Gods plan for me and he guided me here. If i took the alternative, i wouldnt have been able to meet the people i know now, and to share the good news. Granted, everyone needs the good news, maybe the people i know needed it more and i was the catalyst. thinking like that, i would gladly be God's servant to do His will.

everyone is where they are suppose to be, good or bad. just give God the chance to work in your life and use you.

so i've realized a trend in the types of things people think about as they get older, especially to all the singles out there. some worry about their future and who they will be with and why they're not with someone now. not gonna lie i thought about this a lot as well.

for me personally, the girl has to make me want to change who i am (for the betterment of myself as well as for her) and make me want to give my all. i also understand that this process has already started, just waiting for the right one to be revealed. haha. only 1 or 2 people have gave me these feelings but it didn't go anywhere, i was young and the process was not underway. 

i feel like if i rush into things not thinking, i will be the same old me and i won't chance.  i'll be stuck in a cycle.

so i guess patience is key! for that right girl to open her eyes or for her to walk into my life.

it's so sad to see people separate, especially friends. 

yo,

i have many good memories with you and not many bad ones. i understand there was some drama that went on between you and a couple of other people, but it wasn't with me. toward last year it started getting really bumpy and we just separated. no word from you, just disappeared. its my fault for trying to be such a people pleaser, especially those around me. i guess it looked like i was choosing sides and choose i did. i guess it also looked like i was choosing against you but what do i do? what should have i done? 

as the communication became close to none, i still didn't realize what you went through or your feelings. i thought you were busy, i thought you were living your life. because i always saw you as a strong independent woman and the times we did hang out i was grateful you were there. i didn't even realize you felt the way you do until yesterday. why didn't you talk to me? was all the memories we made together a lie? by all means, no! 

i'm a little crushed inside that you are purposely avoiding me. i'm not saying i am undeserving, but at the same time i'm not saying i do. if i could turn back time i would to try and fix things, to show you i care and do appreciate you being my friend. is it too late to do so? i'm glad i finally heard from you though. good to know you are doing well and you found friends whom you feel comfortable with. as long as that's the case i guess i'm okay with it because you are happy where you are.

i appreciate the fact that you say you are still there for me. we both know you won't be. your words won't match the actions. i am just as guilty

so... i guess it's a loss on my part not yours. 

sincerely,

your friend

growing up, i was semi-ridiculed for being who i am by fellow korean peers, for being dark like a mexican. but i also grew up in a neighborhood with not many asians to begin with, mostly hispanic and black, so my color did not matter because i was similar to them. they were my friends and they did not make fun of me for being dark. instead i thought all the korean people who made fun of me as ignorant. there was no point in getting upset about my skin color.. its not like i could change it haha

i was talking to my pops last night over dinner and he told me why my skin is on the darker side. when he was a wee lad in korea, he was very pale and people looked down on him because of it, even though he knew he wouldnt take shit from nobody. my mom said he was a gangster (whattttttt?!?) lol. but it did get to him emotionally so he made a decision in his heart that when he had a son (me) he would give me a darker complexion than normal. 

when i was born, my dad said i was too white and pale. so ever since i was a wee lad myself , my dad took me out every opportunity he had to let me frolic and play in the sun. listening to these stories, stories which i have no memories of, im so happy and thankful that my dad took care me of me and thought of me like that. but yea i would get darker in the summer and paler in the winter but eventually i stayed dark. i guess ever since then i was a mocha colored korean boy. i never questioned but its interesting to know how i got this way haha

im learning so much about my dad which is awesome