xanga... you have been around for so long, longer than facebook or myspace or twitter or anything else (my lifetime and memories)
i will always write in you, even if i forget for months at a time, i will always come back to you and blog what i am thinking. later on in life i wil read all my posts again and be amazed.
on the other hand... i turn 22 in two days..
i remember when i couldn't wait to turn 21, now it doesn't even matter -_-
my life might not be as fucked up as yours but it does not mean i'm white as snow.
what is life? it's something you have been given whether you like it or not. living life is just how you pass the time and the memories you take from it and the relations you build. seems rather simple but its so cluttered with other things
all the girls, all the drinking, all the drugs.... there has to be more to my life than that. what part does God play? i ask ask ask for this this that. i'm sorry for taking advantage of you, using you as a middleman to get things that i want in my life. if i continue to live life like that, i see God no better than a random drug dealer, the middleman before you get high. iknow it should be seek God then i will be provided for.
yea, i know this and i go to church. but it's so difficult because no one really showed me how to do it. but i also need You so bad. so so bad. this is my growing process, this life is my time limit.
the song "give until theres nothing left" is good. i want to give give give until there's nothing else, give my all until it all runs out. i just have to trust that when i am dry i will be filled up again ... i want to give my all for you..
let me tell you something, believing and living are different things and its hard to do. specifically, christianity. knowing how to live compared to living that life is so hard.
suppose to live, free from Sin, not letting that get me down because I was redeemed. because I was forgiven through the death of jesus. this is revolutionary because no other religion has a god that does that for people.
then why do i feel like my past ties me down? my past sins make me feel regret and guilt.
there are things i dont understand, concepts i cant grasp, simply because we cannot fathom God's understanding. i feel so insignificant.
im not hot, im not cold, and this is a problem
Just a couple of months ago i never thought i would be working so hard and doing a lot of work in school, especially because its my last year here in stony brook. i wanted to relax and have fun and take all elective classes! sadly that is not the case, for two reasons :
1. procrastination is a persons worst enemy, especially for school work. it doesn't matter how old you are or what youre putting off - in the end, it'll come around to bite you in the ass. Granted you want to do well in whatever you do - if you don't care then... good for you!
this is my weakness here. thinking i have a lot of time i put off buying textbooks and keeping up with readings (for future reference: you're an idiot for not getting those books earlier!) now i'm always swamped with readings before an exam and i have to rush to get things done simply because i didn't get the materials i need ahead of time. womp womp
which leads to my next and main point
2. grad school was out of the picture, and what do you know... it decides to jump right back in... at least for now!
i was dead set in not going to grad school. i just wanted to leave all the edumacation behind and enter the work force, free myself of debt, and be content with my life. but no grad school. an opportunity just came to go to school and if i get into this one position/program i can go for free. why not try it? so if i get into UH at MANOA, i will be pursuing an M.A. in Anthropology.
finally...
3. No one knows what the future holds. No one.
self explanatory. i might not get in or i might. i'll see what life has in store for me. One thing is for certain, no matter what happens there will always be obstacles ahead of me and work to be done to get to where i want to be. in my case, a lot of reading. *shake fist*
you ever find yourself in this situation..? where you meet somebody and think they are perfect for you, even though its the first time meeting? then after you depart all you can do is think about that person? and to make matters more difficult, you don't know how or when you'll ever see that person ever again?
a lot of things in our life are distractions and are unnecessary.
for me, these are the only things that matter and i'm thankful for:
1. a loving Father and Saviour.
2. my family and friends.
3. talent and encouragement i've been given to play the guitar.
4. possibly beer. possibly.
lyrics are good and so is the music
i like this song for two reasons; one being it is an awesome worship song. it doesn't give a concert vibe instead brings out the heart of worship. two, the guitar part is awesome!
i am so thankful for all my friends and family. the people i've met this year was truly a blessing and i owe it all to our God. without his guidance and teaching i would not be who i am today. like this song says, trying to do things on my own with my own efforts and understanding, it just turns up dry. yet if i do all things with God by my side, then its all good and it as if the thirst is quenched. he is the living water
when things seem to go wrong you have to see that sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth.
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